CHERI: QUICK BITE

CHERI: THE ORIGINAL COUGAR

Lea de Lonval: You're not the first young man I've said goodbye to.
Cheri: Yes, I know, but what I thought might be appropriate is if I were the last.

Based on a Colette story, this film follows the entanglement of a beautiful, but aging courtesan, Lea de Lonval (a radiant Michelle Pfieffer) and Cheri, Rupert Friend, who is the much younger son of an old friend. At first she seems to be schooling him, but the death kiss of any courtesan is love, and that she finds. There isn’t really much plot or drama to this film. It is simple in its story telling. However, the costumes and scenery are lush and rich with color and play a role in the film as much does New York in Sex In The City. This did not seem to be straining Pfieffer’s acting abilities, but she looks lovely (aside from being too boney for that time period) and for that you could and do spent the film reveling in her loveliness. Friend was equally as handsome and did a fine job of portraying an overindulged youth. Kathy Bates is Cheri’s mother and does a fine job of acting the doting mother. This film is nothing too serious or overly taxing on the mind, but a pretty picture with pretty people.

½ Bite: Lush and pretty to watch, but not much for plot or drama.

THE MAIDEN HEIST: Quick bite

THE MAIDEN HEIST: AKA; WATCH GREAT ACTORS GO DOWN IN FLAMES

Actually, it was only Morgan Freeman who was flaming. What a waste of some of our most brilliant actors: William H. Macy, Morgan Freeman and Christopher Walken.


So these three are security guards for an art museum, each taken by a particular piece of art; perhaps obsessed is more like it as they risk everything in a plan to steal their beloved art work before they are shipped to a new museum. Bumbling is the word that most comes to mind and it is painful. All three actors have and can pull off comedy, so I’m not sure where this film went wrong except for the script and their decisions to act in it. The script was written by the person who wrote Me, You and Dupree, so maybe that was a huge warning signal. I think even grandma would want to pass on this film.

NO Bite: It was painful to watch such talent wasted.

OBERVE AND REPORT: SHORT BITE

OBSERVE AND REPORT: HERE GOES MY CREDIBILITY

NOT for the faint of heart. I couldn’t find the count for how many times the F bomb was dropped (or mouthed) but it was up there. Yes, I watched it in its entirety and I laughed, not at everything, but at the dumb, politically incorrect places. The movie is about a ‘mall cop’ Ronnie Barnhardt (funny man Seth Rogen) who has aspirations of becoming a police officer, most likely to be able to abuse his power. He loves his iron and hits the target, repeatedly. He believes in and uses excessive force whenever possible. With all this in mind, this movie is dumb, offensive in oh so many ways and dumb and offensive. His character is Bipolar, which I thought was a neat twist, but it wasn’t an accurate portrayal at all. His fixation and date rape of his love interest was also offensive. Ronnie lives with his mother and she is an alcoholic, also not a funny topic. Thing is, this film is so dumb and offensive, you have to take it as just that. If I wanted to know more about Bipolar disorder I wouldn’t seek this film out as a reference. If you can take it as it is, a stupid and stupid movie about a mall cop, there are some funny parts. I haven’t seen male full-frontal like that before, but it didn’t offend or make me laugh. It just was. So, take it as it is and if you are easily offended, don’t watch it. Easy.


½ Bite: For a stupid and offensive movie, I found some laughs. Not for everyone.

THE TAKING OF PELAM 123: SHORT BITE

THE TAKING OF PELAM 123: A JOY RIDE OF A MOVIE

Ryder: Ok... now somebody else has to die. Two people, maybe all of us! Did you hear me?

Walter Garber: I heard you, but you gotta understand that the circumstances they're different now for you. You gotta rethink this, you... you gotta adapt.
Ryder: No, I gave you instructions and you know the consequences.

Walter Garber: I mean don't you have a plan B?

Ryder: No, plan B is enforcing plan A... and the minute you stop believing me mother fucker, that's it!

The dance was beautiful. A run-of-the-mill crime drama takes on a whole new twist when we realize the characters we've been watching aren't at all who they seem to be. John Travolta is Ryder, the lead mastermind behind the hijacking of a subway train car and Denzel Washington is, Walter Garber, the "average civil servant" whose dumb luck it is to be on duty when Pelam 123 is taken hostage with its passengers. The key to the movie is the unfolding of each character, the peeling away at the surface layers to reveal people almost counter-characteristic of who we thought they were. The dance between each as they talk to each other during the crime is flawless. The script was well written as Ryder demands open and raw honesty from Garber. With a gun and many vulnerable hostages, Ryder forces Garber to admit and explain actions he has taken, decisions he has made in his life. Both characters are much more than they seem to be and it makes for a very watchable movie. I revel in the joy of a good film that commands your total attention.   
BITE: I loved the characters and the actors were fantastic. Well done.

AWAY WE GO: SHORT BITE

AWAY WE GO, A TRIP LIKE NO OTHER

No explosions, no wild car chases or shoot outs... this is a simple and tender journal of a young couple looking for a place to live and a way to live it. With a baby on the way, Bert and Verona (portrayed by skilled comedians, John Krasinsky and Maya Rudolph) are looking for a place to start this new phase of their life together. Their travel is geographic, but also psychological as they compare and contrast the different friends and relatives they observe. Allison Janney is a complete scene stealer; however the film gives room for each character to show their stuff as Bert and Verona act as narrators. Maggie Gyllenhaal also presents her character larger than life but as a life, as a lifestyle and it's brilliant. Softly and gently our narrators find meaning and a "place" for themselves in their lives.
Bite: A slow pace and wonderful characters give this movie an understated strength.

YEAR ONE

YEAR ONE: LESS FUNNY THAN THE CAVEMAN COMMERCIALS WHICH ARE REALLY NOT FUNNY... WAY WAY LESS

With a great supporting cast, I was hoping to find Jack Black filling the movie being funny in his awkward way. Didn't happen. Can I have my time back?! This was far worse than anything that comes to mind as of late. I would rather watch Lindsay Lohan's I Know Who Killed Me again. The other body in the picture is 'Juno's boyfriend' and not a great addition to the cast.  It was crass, dimwitted and a waste of film; full of poop jokes and farts, even the gag reel is unfunny. There is an attempt to put a message at the end of the movie and it fell flat. I am not surprised, but very disappointed. This film is a literal piece of crap.
NOT CLOSE TO A BITE: I wouldn't put my fangs neat this film. Ick!!!

LAKE CITY

LAKE CITY: YES, DAVE MATTHEWS CAN ACT

When there’s no where else to go, go home. So home is where loser Billy (Troy Garity) heads when things get rough in the city, with his girlfriend’s son in tow. Being the eternal warm motherly woman, Maggie (Sissy Spacek) is nonplused when she arrives home to find the son she hasn’t spoken to in a year raiding her refrigerator. Slowly the story unfolds and we discover why Billy is on the run, why the kid is with him and how the events of the past can bring this new family back together.

THE VISITATION

THE VISITATION: ARE YOU THERE GOD? IT'S ME, MARGARET

NEVER TRUST A FILM WITH A DOG. When the film began and I saw one of the lead actors with him I should have shut off the tv and learned how to knit. It happens every time. Case in point: Marley and Me.

Preacher Travis Jordon (Martin Donovan) is not practicing what he preaches. Three years ago his wife was found murdered and they never found the killer. Since then he has renounced God and found himself comfortable in a case of beer AND A DOG. So the residents of the small town he lives in begin seeing signs and witnessing acts of miracle. Soon we meet the elusive prophet and possible second coming, Brandon Nichols (a well worn Edward Furlong). The town is easily pacified while the Preacher remains skeptical and looks closer into the worldly information on this messiah. Jordan is aided in his search by the skeptical VETERINARIAN Morgan Elliot (Surprisingly played by Kelly Lynch). Soon they discover the key to unlock the spell the town has fallen under.