THE ACCIDENTAL HUSBAND: A BRIDE OF A DIFFERENT SORT

My favorite sort of films are usually dark, psychologically prompted thrillers. However, that's not to say there is never any room for brain candy, which is exactly what this film is. Uma Thurman is Dr. Emma Lloyd, a radio talk show guru who pontificates about the ways of love and relationships with a loyal following. Emma herself is on the brink of marrying her successful boyfriend (Colin Firth) when they discover she is already married (gasp!). She finds her "husband" Patrick Sullivan (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) a handsome and sexy firefighter who set this whole plan in motion as his way to seek revenge on the person who advised his once fiancee not to go ahead with the wedding. He is rough and tumble and has his fun with her, abusing her manners and good breeding. It comes down to real love versus romantic love, passion versus safety. Uma is a good comedian. She literally kicks ass as the bride in Kill Bill, and now she figuratively kicks ass as a well meaning, confused, woman who just wants to find love and live happily ever after. Morgan is the reason I would set fire to my house knowing he would come to the rescue. He is funny and very desirable. As for the cheese ball ending? I loved it! 

Big bite: Underrated movie, enjoyable and fun, romantic and gushy.

CAPITALISM: A LOVE STORY... AND EXPOSE

Everything I learned about politics I learned from Michael Moore. Ut oh. Watching the news is one thing, but Michael Moore brings home the news and shows us the people these issues effect and how these issues that we hear about in the news effect us. Here, he addresses the efforts to remove financial regulations and the trickle down effect these congressional moves have and will have on us every day people. He has the ability to tie the whole story from the big picture to people like me enough so that I feel afraid. Our country, as wonderful as it is, has some very serious problems and while the minority can weather these problems, the majority is devastated. Moore is indeed a man of the people, mostly democratic people, but he at least tries to shed light into the abyss.
Big bite: A big man with big ideas and a voice for those who are silent.

IT'S COMPLICATED: AND THAT'S AN UNDERSTATEMENT

Jake: I'm sorry.

Jane: How far back does that 'sorry' go?

Jake: How far back do you need it to go?

Jane: Wa-ay back.

Once again Nancy Meyers brings us a light romp in a complicated situation. During their son's graduation and other family events related to their adult children, now divorced Jake (Alec Baldwin) and Jane (Meryl Streep) discover they still have an attraction to the other. Even though Jake has remarried, he cheats on his wife with his ex-wife and they find a whole new life blown back into their affair. Adding to the chaos is the arrival of Adam (Steve Martin) who is helping Jane with renovating the house but begins to develop feelings for her. The best part is to watch Streep juggle them both. It is complicated, but it is also funny.

SERIOUS MOONLIGHT: LAUGHABLE MOVIE

After the War of the Roses, this idea pales by comparison. Meg Ryan (Louise) has discovered her husband Ian (Timothy Hutton) has been cheating on her with Sara (Kristen Bell) and plans on leaving for Paris with her. To stop him from doing so, she uses the magic of duct tape and begins her last seduction of her captive audience. However, they are interrupted by Sara and then later Todd (Justin Long) a criminal intent on robbing the house. Seemingly meant to be a dark comedy, this film comes off as pathetic and desperate and just plain sad. The comedy wasn't laughable and at times it felt like a rerun of Three's Company. I did not see the ending coming and that did turn out to be a humorous touch like the cherry on top a sundae. It wasn't a terrible film, but not a fabulous one either.
No bite: Not terribly funny but okay to watch if there is nothing else on.

AVATAR: THE ALMOST BEST PICTURE OF 2009

This very long film was an awesome, visual trip. Obviously groundbreaking in its conception, Cameron has produced an impressive film and everyone seems to think so; except me. It's one thing to do something that's never been done and have it turn out neato looking, but that doesn't automatically guarantee an inspiring film. I think many people have forgotten that they are two separate feats and his second feat of presenting this film fell a bit flat in my humble opinion. It was way too long and needed much editing. The characters were not terribly deep or had substance and I felt like the morals, man versus nature, were rammed down my throat. It wasn't a bad movie, but it has to be taken for what it is. It is visually stunning and the world he created is amazing. The effects are amazing. I like that our hero is a wheelchair bound Marine who finds more than just a job to do. There are many really cool things about this film. However, I just don't think that it is the drop dead, cutting edge, film to end all films.
Bite: It has to be seen but perhaps not the whole 162 minutes. 

SPREAD: TAKE THE TITLE IN THE WORST POSSIBLE WAY

My whole life it was obvious I was going to end up in this city. I don't want to be arrogant here, but I'm an incredibly attractive man. I can't help it, I don't try to be, I just am. When I was a kid my mother's best friend used to tell me that I was gonna be a little heart breaker. Turns out she was right. Her husband came home from work one day and found us fuckin' on the Stairmaster. Los Angeles, California - that's where all the beautiful little heart breakers go to live the dream. 30,000 of them arrive here every single month. 30,000 prom kings and queens, and little miss cute tits every one of them with stars in their eyes and a dream in their heart.

Poor jaded Ashton Kutcher. Nikki (Kutcher) is a grifter, a player, boy toy and amateur porn star. He uses and abuses people just to get what he wants. Moat of those are older women, starved for sex and a younger man. Of course the audience is not to read too far into this in so far as it reflects the parallels in his own life. No, Nikki is a user and dirty and numb... until he meets a fellow female grifter who steals his insy-weensy heart of gold. Sorry, I just threw up a little in my mouth. This is a terrible film. While watching it I had two repetitive thoughts. Kutcher can not play this part and Anne Heche looks really good. Other than that, it lacked plot, dialogue and meaningful characters. Perhaps just like it LA, it was all show and no substance.

No bite: Borderline amateur porn rather than film.

MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS: THE NEW JEDI WARRIOR

More of this is true than you would believe.

With a cast including George Clooney, Ewan McGregor, Kevin Spacey and Jeff Bridges, I had some pretty big expectations of this movie. I knew it would be odd and different, but I had hoped it would do so in a good way; a cool way. Instead we get a lackluster film that even if planted in reality, really doesn't take flight. McGregor is a journalist following a lead about the use of "psychic spies" by the army and the training and history of the program. It has the star power, but the plot goes off course too many times and the characters get lost on the way. Bridges comes close to recreating the "dude" and is fun to watch, but also sad. There are funny moments, but not enough so that it feels like a comedy. And yes, we get the joke, as it is repeated many times, about how McGregor was once a jedi and these soldiers consider themselves jedis; ha ha ha. As much as I wanted to like this film, it just sort of fell flat.
Nibble: Something to watch and fun characters but lackluster story.

ZOMBIELAND: THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH

Little Rock: Who's Bill Murray?
Tallahassee: ...I've never hit a kid before...

I mean, that's like asking who Gandhi is.
Little Rock: Who's Gandhi?

This is by far the most clever and well written zombie movie ever made. In fact, among movies that start with a Z, this movie is the highest grossing ever. Box office gold. It's a post apocalyptic world, where zombies have taken over and zombies are notorious for not cleaning up after themselves. We meet Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg) who is one of the few non-zombie survivors. He has survived so long because he has developed a 32 point plan for how to protect and defend oneself against the zombies. Along his quest to get back home to see if his family has survived, he runs into Tallahassee (a delightful Woody Harrelson) who is a buff, gun toting zombie killer.

LAW ABIDING CITIZEN: REVENGE IS BEST SERVED COLD... BRRRRR

Not the most believable movie, but when has that stopped anyone before? Poor Clyde Shelton's (Gerard Butler) home is invaded by two low life scums who leave him for dead after brutally killing his family while he watches. Assistant District Attorney Nick Rice (Jamie Foxx) cuts a deal with one perp while the other is sentenced to death by lethal injection. This does not sit well with Shelton, who then takes the business of vengeance into his own hands. Even while in police custody, his plans for revenge continue and are mysteriously carried out. Shelton wants everybody to die and he does a pretty good job of making that happen. This is a classic case of planning where the criminal is always one step ahead of the law. This also makes it hard to believe it could actually happen, but I suppose that's what movies do, suspend our reality for a few hours.

THE IMAGINARIUM OF DOCTOR PARNASSUS: WOW

It's difficult to separate the film from the circumstances surrounding it. This was and will always be known for being Health Ledger's last film before he died. The objective of the movie centered around joy and dreams and of course, good versus evil but it was anything but joy when Heath's death railroaded the film making. What I find extraordinary is how three A-list Hollywood actors jumped right in to turn the story in a way where Heath's fleeting presence was explainable and understandable. Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell shared the role, each taking turns but still maintaining enough believability for it to work.

BROKEN EMBRACES: ANOTHER ALMODOVAR ARTWORK

Pedro Almodóvar has a magic touch and he proves it once again with this film. Lluis Homar is Harry Caine, a blind writer with a complicated past. He is confronted with a mysterious visitor who sends him back 14 years in his past to review the heartbreaking events that changed him forever. Penelope Cruz is heavenly as Lena, an aspiring actress and alluring woman who steals Harry's heart. Actually, she steals Mateo's heart, but that's another story.

THE BOYS ARE BACK: BUT NOW WHAT?

Clive Owen is the man. If you like Clive Owen, you will like this film; maybe. His performance is full of both joy and sorrow as he portrays freshly widowed Joe Warr who has to contend with the fear of raising a six year old alone. His son is adorable and terrible and confuses Warr to no end. Tenderly his wife comes back now and again to offer some advice. It is all very well done. We discover this is a second marriage and he comes to learn to deal with his older son as well. It's a heartbreaking war that ends with some peace and solace, but not quite wrapped up with a pretty bow. The end seems more like the beginning, as it is, but it makes it hard to put the movie away without the closure. Both boys are lovely and give stellar performances.
Bite: A film full of heart, but just short of story.

A SERIOUS MAN: A SMART FILM

Larry Gopnik: "The Uncertainty Principle. It proves we can't ever really know... what's going on. So it shouldn't bother you. Not being able to figure anything out. Although you will be responsible for this on the mid-term."

This film is said to be more of a personal, almost autobiographical film from the Coen brothers. Set in 1967 in a very Jewish Bloomington Minnesota, Larry Gopnik is a Physics professor with a full life...

EVERYBODY'S FINE... NOT!

Doddering widower, Frank Goode, (Robert De Niro) plans a gala party for his adult children and everybody cancels. Did he offend? No. He's too clueless to offend. His children are all talking to each other, but nobody is talking to him. So, get goes on the road to make a personal visit to each one of his ungrateful too-busy-with-life-to-talk-to-dad spawn.

COLD SOULS: FANS OF PAUL GIAMATTI ONLY NEED APPLY

It's hard to begin to explain a movie that overextends a reach and still manages to remain interesting. Giamatti plays himself, an actor who is preparing for a Broadway performance of Chekhov's "Uncle Vanya". He is bogged down by the heaviness of the part and comes upon a service that will put his soul in "storage" which he does. From there in turns into an existential caper movie where he decides he wants his soul back but it's been placed into someone else; a knockout blond woman. Imagine that for a minute. It is a clever picture that extends the imagination in the way Being John Malkovich did; you could almost see the possibility and fallout from it. Giamatti is classic Giamatti, which is enjoyable. It was an interesting concept, but didn't quite come off so smooth.
Bite: Interesting to watch and fun with Paul Giamatti

AN EDUCATION: JUST WHO IS GETTING SCHOOLED?!

"So, what you're telling me is to be bored, and then bored, and finally bored again, but this time for the rest of my life? This whole stupid country is bored! There's no life in it, or color, or fun! It's probably just as well the Russians are going to drop a nuclear bomb on us any day now. So my choice is to do something hard and boring, or to marry my... Jew, and go to Paris and Rome and listen to jazz, and read, and eat good food in nice restaurants, and have fun! It's not enough to educate us anymore Ms. Walters. You've got to tell us why you're doing it."

BROTHERS: NEW FILM, OLD STORY

Another reason to love Natalie Portman (Grace Cahill). She is the loving, young wife of Sam Cahill (Tobey Maguire), a Captain in the Army taken hostage and left for dead. His black sheep brother, Tommy, steps in (Jake Gyllenhaal) and helps the family deal with the grief until surprisingly Sam is found alive and returned home, a shell of his former self. Of course Grace and Tommy find solace with each other, but not in the garish way it might be predicted. This isn't a bang bang film but a reflection on character and people and some side notes on war and politics. Nothing outstanding, but sturdy performances all around.
Bite: Nothing new or thrilling but an okay movie.

THE COVE: OUT-HORRORS HORROR FILMS

Sea World will never be the same again. This film is shocking and horrible and unbelievably true. In Japan, dolphins are being corralled, bought by the various institutions that use captive dolphins for hundreds of thousands of dollars and then forced into an inescapable cove where they are harpooned and stabbed. Boatloads of dolphins are carted off and the water is so red with their blood it looks like a bad horror movie effect. This documentary is well put together and the plan to capture this coup de grâs on film is nothing short of a tightly written and produced Hollywood feature.

GOOD HAIR: GREAT DOCUMENTARY

Chris Rock: How old were you when you first got your relaxer?

Maya Angelou: Oh god. I was about seventy.

Chris Rock: Seventy? You went your whole life...

Maya Angelou: Not my whole life, I'm still alive!

 

Did many people ever think they would see this kind of dialogue between one of our funniest comedians and one of our most distinguished writers? This is one of the best documentaries I have seen in some time. Chris Rock does an outstanding job of taking us on a tour of the regime of black hair care, which is different than any other hair type, and upkeep, from the funny to the sad. It's an informational film, providing both the history and biology behind what has and does go into styling black hair. He interviews celebrities as well as every day people who are also both funny and sad. The time and money that goes into this industry is astounding. Rock takes us to India to see where and how the hair for weaves is collected and sometimes stolen. What women do to themselves to make them more attractive is outlandish, painful and pricey, black or white. This movie, Rock has found an untold story that needed the attention and he does so beautifully. Major kudos all around.

Big bite: Loved this movie, both informative and astounding.