Sunday, August 30, 2009

LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT

LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT GIVES NEW MEANING TO HORROR FILM; WARNING, THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS

This was, by far, the most horrifying horror film I've seen in a while. It's not because it was that good. It's due to its over the top, graphic and painful violence. Characters like Jason or Freddy are surreal. They kill at random and usually in an over the top, not so believable (get out of the house!) way. Haunted house flicks are suspenseful and may have bloodshed, but it's from unearthly beings, which again, makes it less believable. Last House, however, is so realistic and "it could happen to anyone-ish" that it is unbearable to even hear some scenes, let alone watch them. The story is a nice doctor and his family go to their summer house. The young girl, as usual, wants to visit her friend and heads into town. One thing leads to another and soon the young girl is beaten, brutally raped, shot and then left for dead by a rag-tag bunch of psychopaths. As the rain hits, the psychopaths end up at the girls house, unwittingly asking her parents for shelter from the rain. It is tense and even more suspenseful than a grade B horror flick.

QUID PRO QUO: Quick Bite

QUID PRO QUO: NOT AN EVEN TRADE

Was more like 'Quid Pro NO' as far as I'm concerned. David Cronenberg had a controversial film in 1996 called Crash (no, not that one) where it was a mysterious mixture of damaged people and sex. From the jacket, this was supposed to be the same type of film and it missed the mark. Issac Knott (Nick Stahl) is a radio reporter who gets a leed for a story about people faking being confined to their wheelchairs. The twist is that he is paralyzed from a car accident when he was young. So he does his detective work, meets a mysterious woman, Fiona, (Vera Farmiga)and then the plot tanks from there. By the time the movie should have climaxed, it looses it's hard on and the revelation falls on an empty movie theater (if it even made it that far). Boring, boring, boring and SO not sexy.
Bite Me: Go rent the original Crash and watch a truly twisted and sexy film.