MADE OF HONOR

MADE OF HONOR LOOKS BEAUTIFUL IN TAFFETA

Once again, I bit the chick-flick/romantic comedy shield I hold so firmly in place and watched Made of Honor. Maybe it's PMS, but I really liked it. There isn't much of anything new or groundbreaking. It's a gender reversal of My Best Friend's Wedding but more well done.

The premise is simple. Men are idiots. They want to date (and screw) the beautiful, arousing yet vapid women and have the mousy/chubby/good personality type women for friends. That way they get the best of both worlds. Almost the classic Madonna/Whore complex. So the stage is set to meet the "typical" bachelor who is "bringing sexy back" one conquest at a time, Tom Baily (Patrick Dempsey in a reminiscent performance in Lover Boy 1989). He is suave and charming and smooth and the best friend of Hannah (Michelle Monaghan) having met in college in a most unusual way. Her job takes her elsewhere for a long six weeks. During that time, Einstein figures how much he misses her and has plenty of input from his circle of pals. As he is ready to have a heart-to-heart at a dinner date to profess his love, up pops Colin (Kevin McKidd) an uber-Scottish man who has captured her heart. Now the race begins as Tom does his best to stop the wedding.

This wasn't brain science nor was it any other number of films. That being said, it was a good movie. It was entertaining and engaging (pun not intended). The fun was in watching Tom make his realization and then watching Hannah catch up. Both Monaghan and Dempsey show strong and believable work here. It's the fairy tale that so many women want. We fall in love with our best friends, not showing our hand, but then he comes to his senses and once together, it feels perfect and right with the universe.

BITE: Very entertaining, well acted and sweet. Light and fluffy and worth seeing.

CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC

CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC: WHO KNEW?

With a title like that it is easy to label this film a "chick flick" without batting an eye lash. Cotton candy dresses, well accessorized and tons of shoes. It would put Carrie Bradshaw (Sex In The City) to shame.

So what. This film, for me, has the two qualities I treasure greatly. It was both magical and charming. On the outside layer, it is a movie about a young woman, Rebecca Bloomwood (Isla Fisher) who loves fashion and shopping so much she lands a hefty several thousand dollars in debt. Yes, she's quite vapid, but she has a good heart. In order to earn the money to get collections off her back, she is (accidentally) hired as a writer for a financial magazine. The inside layer offers commentary on materialism and responsibility. Like a classic Three's Company episode, this movie has a lot of misunderstandings, physical humor and underneath it all, it has heart. Of course the love interest is singled out early on (walking with a target on his back) Luke Brandon (Hugh Dancy). Let's face it; any and all Hughs from the UK are charming and unassuming. The rest of the supporting cast is star-powered and it was fun to see familiar faces.
I was set to shatter this movie with both barrels, but I really liked it. It's no No Country For Old Men or Gran Torino. It was light and fluffy and a fresh breath of air on these unseasonable hot summer days. Call me a flibbertigibbet, but this was a fun and most enjoyable film. The tango scene is beautiful.

Big unexpected BITE: What a lovely, topsy-turvey, incandescent, glowing gem of a film.

GRAN TORINO

GRAN TORINO IN MINT CONDITION

Walt Kowalski (Clint Eastwood) is a racist old coot if there ever was one. He is set in his ways, much due to his military background, while the rest comes from trying to maintain himself after the death of his wife. The neighborhood he lives in has evolved from white middle class to a multicultural soup du-jour. From the start of the film he mutters to himself constantly about the (insert racist slurs here) people who now out number him. Slowly his guard is chipped away and he begrudgingly shares in his neighbor's cultural ways. In return, he is given the chance to help his neighbors and the transformation is beautiful and captivating.

It is rare that I call a movie a work of art. This movie is a work of art. The plot is cutting edge. How can this cantankerous old man have redeeming qualities? The actors don't act; they simply are. Hands down Clint Eastwood proves, yet again, his strength and craft as an actor. The supporting cast was so believable that when watching the 'making of' extra, I could barely stand to watch the 'bad guys' behave and talk as 'normal' professional actors. This is what a perfect 10 looks like. My first car was a 1968 Gran Torino with Thor holding a sword etched in the back glass window. It didn't last long, as much as I tired to revive it. However, like this movie, it is so much more than just a story about a car. What a compelling and moving work in every piece of the motion picture pie.

Big BITE: This is a perfect piece of cinematic art. I am at a loss for words. A must see.

TWO LOVERS

THE STORY OF TWO LOVERS... AND THE DOWNFALL OF JOAQUIN PHOENIX

They say genius resides in insanity. This would be an excellent example. The film is set on a backdrop of cloudy gray Brighton Beach. Leonard (Phoenix) has just moved back in with his parents after a relationship gone bad. He makes half-hearted attempts to end his life, but he doesn't want to die. He just wants something less predictable. As his family wants, he works at their dry cleaning store, almost with his head in the clouds waiting to decide the next course of action. His uber-Jewish parents have also set him up with a "very nice Jewish girl", in hopes for marriage and all things traditional. Leonard follows slowly and blindly. He doesn't want to settle and he doesn't want to follow this well worth ancestral path. It is about this time that he notices a neighbor, Michelle (Gwyneth Paltrow) a shiksa goddess (non-Jewish) who is new and exciting and stunning and just as mentally scarred as he is. She offers him an opportunity to veer off the well beaten path. He is excited by her and she comes to depend on his gentleman virtues. So who does he choose?

Who can say what Joaquin Phoenix has going on in his head with the whole "this is my last movie" and "now I'll be a rapper" thing. The part that worries me is that he will veer off his very successful career leaving us to want more. His ability to bring this broken shell of a man out without it being over done is amazing. If this is his last film, he will go out with a bang. Gwyneth Paltrow IS that messed up but pretty girl. She is so complicated and vulnerable all at the same time. I'm not sure anyone else could have pulled that performance off. The movie is dark and cold and not a "feel good" film and it was punished for going against the grain. I've never seen a movie pull off a feeling, not a mood but a texture. It's a shame that this film did not and will not get the recognition it deserved.

BITE: A bit moody and dark, but stunning acting and well crafted.

KNOWING

KNOWING DOESN'T MAKE IT RIGHT

Wow... this film really bit the big one. An overly serious movie about life and death and beings from other worlds. Sorry, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. This is an over the top message film. Nicholas Cage, John Koestler, is a big brainiac who notices a numerical pattern on a piece of paper found in his son's school's time capsule sealed 50 years previous. So get gets all freaky in his attempt to break the 'code', but he does and then the whole world falls apart. The end.

This could have been a better movie had it some dark comedy tossed in here or there or if had just not taken itself so seriously. It was interesting, but totally predictable. Another movie I saw (I have no original thoughts) makes the point that mathematics is the one 'language' we all can understand; including space monsters. I love Cage, but he was way too life or death and it was just too much.

This BITES: Held my attention but for all the wrong reasons.

HE'S JUST NOT INTO YOU

HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU... AND MAYBE THAT'S A GOOD THING

I don't mind watching movies labeled as "chick flicks". Some are offended by the phrase, but it helps me gauge what to expect or not expect from a film. (Face it, even critics are biased.) That being said, I was hoping to catch a lighthearted comedy about relationships. I finished the DVD then went right to the bathroom to look for the razor blades.

This was some sort of cross-pollination between When Harry Met Sally (BEST relationship film ever), Sex and the City (BEST TV series on relationships) and then really bad, tedious, painful, stagnant writing and acting. You have this fabulous cast: Drew Barrymore, Ginnifer Goodwin, Ben Affleck, Jennifer Connelly, Jennifer Aniston. These fabulous women (I guess the men got the short end: RE: "Chick Flick") and nothing was good about any of it. The plots are predictable and uninteresting. The heaping piles of character attack on how women operate could fuel a hybrid car. Like some women, when it comes to men, everything revolves that relationship and all it entails. However, talking about your new boyfriend is one thing. Talking about how stupid you are when it comes to love and romance and then making more stupid choices while expecting different results, over and over and over and over and OVER AND OVER, is another thing. Luckily I am here to heed warning. I'm no brain scientist and even I wouldn't make half the cliched mistakes that happen in this flick. ACK!

BITE ME: May be tasteless but certainly not odorless. Not a good film. Go re watch WHMS.

THE BROKEN

THE BROKEN ARE NOT IN NEED OF DUCT TAPE

This is not your average horror movie. There are limited amounts of blood and horror. The rest is about Gina McVey (Lena Headley) a charming young woman who gets a bump on the head that really ruins her day. The pace is slow and steady, leading us to its crescendo at the end (as all good horror/thriller movies do). The thing that struck me was how well filmed it is. It has style, almost like a hand painted film. Love the slow-mo action. I'm not over the moon about it, but I thought it was much better than I anticipated. Luckily Lena has enough acting chops to help her pull off this thriller.
Bite: It kept me watching the whole time. Not fantastic, but entertaining.

THE UNINVITED

THE UNINVITED... MAYBE THEY SHOULD HAVE CALLED FIRST
Yes, another knock off from an Asian original. Simply, Hollywood should end this practise now. Japan, China and now Korean are steeped in their own cultures and each object or person, most times, was based on cultural meaning that is only relevant to them. Then we Americans get up and try to do a remake based on story alone and it seems to get all tangled up. When will the maddness end?! It isn't bad for us to try to branch out. It's just more pieces would fit together in their own cultural reference point.

That being said, the movie is set in a small town and on this day, Anna (Emily Browning) has just been released from a mental institution after a breakdown she suffered at the time of a terrible fire and the death of her invalid mother. She's happy to be back with her sister, but doesn't like the new addition of Rachel (Elizabeth Banks) her father's new girlfriend. From there, dark shadows threaten, doors slam, nightmarish dreams and her new "mommy-to-be" all taunt and threaten to return Anna to her previous mental breakdown. At least she has her sister to help.

This film feels like the viewer is expected to be scarred here, relieved here and then frightened... now. It's forced and just pretty boring.
This Bites: Rent the original