SPREAD: TAKE THE TITLE IN THE WORST POSSIBLE WAY

My whole life it was obvious I was going to end up in this city. I don't want to be arrogant here, but I'm an incredibly attractive man. I can't help it, I don't try to be, I just am. When I was a kid my mother's best friend used to tell me that I was gonna be a little heart breaker. Turns out she was right. Her husband came home from work one day and found us fuckin' on the Stairmaster. Los Angeles, California - that's where all the beautiful little heart breakers go to live the dream. 30,000 of them arrive here every single month. 30,000 prom kings and queens, and little miss cute tits every one of them with stars in their eyes and a dream in their heart.

Poor jaded Ashton Kutcher. Nikki (Kutcher) is a grifter, a player, boy toy and amateur porn star. He uses and abuses people just to get what he wants. Moat of those are older women, starved for sex and a younger man. Of course the audience is not to read too far into this in so far as it reflects the parallels in his own life. No, Nikki is a user and dirty and numb... until he meets a fellow female grifter who steals his insy-weensy heart of gold. Sorry, I just threw up a little in my mouth. This is a terrible film. While watching it I had two repetitive thoughts. Kutcher can not play this part and Anne Heche looks really good. Other than that, it lacked plot, dialogue and meaningful characters. Perhaps just like it LA, it was all show and no substance.

No bite: Borderline amateur porn rather than film.

TURN THE RIVER

TURN THE RIVER TURNED MY STOMACH
Good grifter stories are hard to come by because you secretly never want to know exactly how good or bad they really are. TURN THE RIVER is a character study if ever there was one. Kailey Sullivan (beautiful Famke Jansen) is a shady character by day and hustler by night. Somewhere in there she is also a mother with no custody but wants to take her son and wander off into the sunset. Of course she needs money and of course since she is a pool player on the grift she will have some hustling to do. All the of courses are due in large part to the fact that we see all this coming. The end is predictable just as ever other part of this movie is. The problem is her character. There is little plot and less of anything else, so the movie rests on her head. Pretty as it is, the character never turns into someone we want to know and/or care about. Basically it makes for an overall lukewarm at best movie not worth the view. Rent The Grifters with John Cuscak, Annette Bening and Anjelica Huston instead.
NOT a pick: A character-driven film needs a solid character. Don't bother.

DECEPTION

DECEPTION DECIEVES US THAT IT IS A CLEVER FILM
Sometimes, after a movie I've just seen I'll linger to watch the credits. As I lingered over Deception, I noticed that Hugh Jackman was one of the producers and then it made sense; that's why this movie sucked. Vanity films are so not flattering and usually terrible. This one is no exception. Poor pimply faced Johnathan (Ewen McGregor) is an ordinary, nerdy accountant (read: stereotypical). Once he meets Lothario/playboy Wyatt Bose (Hugh Jackman) his world turns upside down. I was ready with this line, 'as the events twist like a rubber band, Johnathan gets in deeper and the plot twists and snaps back hard in his face.' Except the ending was left limp as an overused rubber band. The plot is repetitive and done better in other films (Mr. Ripley). The acting is okay, not a stretch for anyone. Michelle Williams (as Johnathan's true love) gives a sensual performance that I have not seen from her previously. It was a pretty film however it was not the passion-filled romp that it has been marketed as. Sure, there is sex and a few breast shots, but that's it and it's boring. It wasn't a horrible film, except the last 1/4 of the film needed to be faster and more clever. I was waiting for a twist or shock or surprise. It ended on a limp note for a 'provocative' film. "Lisbeth Wheelehan"

NOT a pick: Without a sharp and original script this movie is purely icing.