GET SMART

GET SMART NEEDS JUST THAT

This is a rarity in my world. A movie that I stopped watching before the end. I have seen a lot of bad movies and movies that I wished I didn't watch, but few that I didn't see to the end. Steve Carell is one of the most funny actors ever. Every week I watch the Office and it is his antics that make me laugh out loud. From what I saw in this film, that ability fell flat; as did Anne Hathaway's performance and sadly, Dwayne Johnson (aka The Rock). Johnson has successfully found his other talent, which is good comedic timing. He went from macho tough guy action star to "regular" acting, comedic acting at that and surprise, he is good at it! (See Southland Tales) Again, what I saw of this film, he fell down and went boom. I am of the generation that can remember this TV show; Mr. Bond meets Mr. Magoo. Some shows were not meant to be made into movies (MOST of them) and I'm sorry to say this one got lost in the shuffle. Take my comments with a grain of salt. Perhaps I left the movie when it was just getting good. However, I was too sleepy to tell. You make the call.

NOT a pick: Just because a recipe has all the ingredients, doesn't make the food taste good.

PARANOID PARK

PARANOID PARK SHOULD WATCH OUT FOR ITSELF
Sure, Gus Van Sant has put before us groundbreaking work (My Own Private Idaho, Drugstore Cowboy, ) and the new in theaters, with much acclaim, Milk with Sean Penn. However, this flick was one that needed to seep through the cracks. He creates a great landscape for our main character, awkward teen, Alex (Gabe Nevins) and his unknown slew of skater-non-actors in Portland. The movie is gray, as is much of the Pacific Northwest. It's much like watching surveillance video than a feature film. There is little dialogue and what is spoken sounds like acting. The pretext of a plot enfolds painfully slowly and when the "secret" is finally shown to the audience, it is a huge letdown. That's it? Milk is a vast improvement of Van Sant's ability and I haven't even seen it yet!
NOT a pick: Skip the film and stare outside at the rain and you will get the same effect.

HAMLET 2

HAMLET II: THIS IS NOT YOUR CHILDREN'S HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL!

T'was the night before Christmas and all through my place, the movies were playing, and this I embraced...

A failing drama teacher, Dana Marschz (exuberantly portrayed by Steve Coogan) has been told that the drama department, like the music and arts programs, has been cut due to lack of funding. So, as a final farewell Dana produces his opus and production has begun on the most hilarious and SO un-politically correct play to any school's date. This was a refreshing, unpredictable and fun movie: a cross between Saved, High School Musical and South Park. When faced with a stereotypical class, we find pleasant twists and turns than has been seen in movies like Dangerous Minds.

The characters these actors portray are priceless. Catherine Keener is Dana's bitch of a heartless wife. Amy Poeler an enthusiastic ACLU defender of the 1st Amendment and Elizabeth Shue, who we find working as a nurse to 'get out of the business'. The kids (probably in their early 20's) performed seamlessly. All of them were outstanding; you couldn't just pick one. This film was the most unconventional and I found myself laughing at the most crude, physical humor (no, not like Step Brothers). The melody of "Rock Me Sexy Jesus" playing in my head this eve of the birth of Jesus, will let you know where the smile came from. Not terrible clever for dialogue, but the plot and it's winding road combined with Dana's sheer enthusiasm make for good entertainment. Watch the way his body moves; reminiscent of a young Drew Carey. It looked so authentic and real. Charming.
PICK: A bit over the top and an excellent performance from Steve Coogan makes this a gem.

BURN AFTER READING

BURN AFTER READING IS FIRE PROOF

What a bunch of dorks, and that is meant in the best way possible. The Coen brothers whose NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN shocked and amazed us, pulled off another coup de grace in this film.

It revolves around a newly 'fired' CIA analyst (Maniacal John Malkovich), a fitness gym and a handful of their vacant employees (Frances McDormand and Brad Pitt) a few affairs and a lot of middle aged people in crisis doing dumb stuff. The movie was written with the majority of the actors in mind so to see them so well cast is not surprising.

George Clooney as Harry Pfarrer (having an affair with Cox's wife, the amazing Tilda Swinton) looks like he is having fun. He has been known for his pranks on fellow actors but here the joke is on him and he embraces it fully. Harry Pfarrer's obsession with staying in shape is probably an in-joke about Clooney's infamous weight gain for his role as a CIA agent in Syriana. Really delightful to see him not so somber. McDormand is a silly witless fool who keeps her eye on the prize; cosmetic surgery. Brad Pitt is her partner in crime, Chad Feldheimer who is perhaps the most dorky of them all. Upon meeting Cox, he uses the name 'Mr. Black' from the movie Meet Joe Black. He would have owned the movie had his fellow actors not been so high caliber.

It is difficult to keep track of who's what and with who when, but the movie wraps it up by the end. There are several shocking and very serious moments and it shatters the lighthearted dorky film into something more. Although it doesn't wallow in the serious, it is enough to give a startle and appreciate the craft of how well written this is.

The Coen's managed to make me gasp at No Country and I was close to doing the same here. We are disjointed and interconnected all at the same time; however, this film tends to focus on the more dull minded. Delightful romp of murderous fun. Be prepared for "strong language". "The word "fuck" is uttered 60 times, including 6 times in the first 2 minutes." From INDB.

PICK: Excellent work from conception to completion. Another Coen hit worth watching.

TURN THE RIVER

TURN THE RIVER TURNED MY STOMACH
Good grifter stories are hard to come by because you secretly never want to know exactly how good or bad they really are. TURN THE RIVER is a character study if ever there was one. Kailey Sullivan (beautiful Famke Jansen) is a shady character by day and hustler by night. Somewhere in there she is also a mother with no custody but wants to take her son and wander off into the sunset. Of course she needs money and of course since she is a pool player on the grift she will have some hustling to do. All the of courses are due in large part to the fact that we see all this coming. The end is predictable just as ever other part of this movie is. The problem is her character. There is little plot and less of anything else, so the movie rests on her head. Pretty as it is, the character never turns into someone we want to know and/or care about. Basically it makes for an overall lukewarm at best movie not worth the view. Rent The Grifters with John Cuscak, Annette Bening and Anjelica Huston instead.
NOT a pick: A character-driven film needs a solid character. Don't bother.

WANTED

WANTED... MORE ALIVE THAN DEAD

Hold on to your seats kids. Worker bee Wesley Gibson (James McAvoy) is sleep walking through his life. He has a cubicle at a job he hates, ("Wesley: Want to hear something sad? I use an ergonomic keyboard to keep my repetitive stress injury in check. Just the fact that I repeat something enough that it causes me stress is fucking sad. ") an unfaithful girlfriend and an asshole of a best friend. So one day, he's minding his own business when suddenly, Fox (Angelina Jolie), appears at his side, sexy and smooth, and then all hell breaks loose. Mystery man, Sloane (Morgan Freeman, as kick ass as ever) introduces him to a brand new world. Life in technicolor. Heavy metal, lock and load, this film is kick ass from start to finish. At the most minimalist of terms, it's the story of a young man who finds meaning in his life and makes the transition to manhood. McAvoy is perfect and believable Dilbert office drone as much as Jolie is a smoking hot babe who can and will kick your ass in a heartbeat. Terrance Stamp takes a small role and makes it big. Outstanding choreography help to make the stunts and fights look authentic. It is sleek and stylish, which add to the film, not detract. Unpredictably, the plot holds twists and turns that you never see coming.

BIG PICK: Sexy, stylish and thrill-a-minute, fantastic movie to experience. LOVED it!

STEP BROTHERS

STEP BROTHERS... KEEP IT IN THE FAMILY
I will pull no punches. This movie is riddled with obscenities, vulgarities and any other 'ities' you can name. It is crude, immature and offensive. That being said, I laughed my ass off. I literally have no more ass because the film took it from me. Another Ferell/Reily movie and I wasn't expecting anything much due to its short stay in theaters. Granted it is not for everyone, but along the lines of SUPERBAD, this movie teases you to guess what will happen next. I assure you, it is wasted effort. The story centers around two 40 year old men who still live at home with their parent. The parents marry leaving these two socially awkward and unbelievable men to deal with each other. Together they go through their ups and downs. There were scenes that made me gag and then others that sent me back to laughing. It is that fine balance that makes up for the absolute collision of a film. Be sure to watch through the end credits to see vengeance served and check out the Line-o-rama feature where the actors use alternative dialogue. I don't care if my "readers" think it's too over the top. It was; so suck it.
PICK: Finally a winning combination of these two great actors into one hilarious film.

TROPIC THUNDER

A MOVIE ABOUT SOME DUDES, PLAYING SOME OTHER DUDES WHO ARE DISGUISED AS SOME OTHER DUDES

This is Robert Downey Jr.'s movie hands down (deliberate pun for Nolte.)

Kirk Lazarus: Man, I don't drop character 'till I done

the DVD commentary.

And true to his word, he didn't. I listed to the film after watching it and RDJ stayed in character until the credits began to role and then he slipped into an Aussie Kirk Lazarus before finally speaking in his own voice. I can call this as 'his' movie because although Ben Stiller pulled through solid performance, he was directing too, so I imagine his thoughts were elsewhere. As well, not to let Jack Black fade into the background (not possible) and also lesser credited Brandon T. Jackson as rapper/actor Alpa Chino. That name in itself and the introduction to the other actor's previous work is pure genius and so close to home (Hollywood that is). It was an all-star cast and an entertaining look at Hollywood; specifically their power in and out of Hollywood. There are so many and yet so few things I can say about Tom Cruise playing a bloated, immoral agent who likes to dance. He mouth spewing expletives and full of spit sounded was too convincing. He looked different, but barely sounded different and that steely gaze of his eyes reminded you that this was just a silly romp of a role for him. If you don't laugh he will come to your house and mess you up... if he can reach that high. If he was going to do something it was going to be his way or no way. At least that's the impression I received from the commentary.

RDJ can do better than this, but I think he jumped in to have fun and his acting reflects that. It was a bit crude and sophomoric, and the comedic bits are scattered amongst the few pieces of "real" drama. Great bits from other stars and celebrities is the cherry on the napalm. Be sure to check out the "Viral Video" Ben, Robert and Jack made for the MTV Movie Awards. THAT was hilarious!

PICK: Silly and laughable, a much needed comedic vacation... that isn't a vacation at all, but a movie...but a good movie, that you should rent, unless you don't need a pretend vacation.

88 MINUTES

88 MINUTES= 88 REASONS NOT TO SEE THIS FILM
Oh, why list 88 when all you need is one. BECAUSE I SAID SO. Ok?! In 88 minutes: I could have cleaned my apartment, caught up with an old friend on the phone, get a manicure and a facial or simply sat on the sofa, watching my toes wiggle and ANY of these choices would have been more entertaining than this movie. Consider it a lengthy episode of Law and Order CI with Pacino as the guest star. So, Pacino is the typical forensic psychologist who has made catching serial killers his life's work as he molds young minds as a professor at a Seattle college. So blah, blah, blah, he plays a cat and mouse game with a killer who gives him 88 minutes to live. See Pacino run, dodge bullets, blah, blah, blah... and then the movie ends. This was a terrible, train wreck of a movie; entirely predictable and formulaic. Pacino looked like he just tumbled out of bed and onto the sound stage and then acts like he's sleep walking.

NOT a PICK: Waste of time, but if you must see it, use the library so you don't waste your money too.

BLOGGERS UNITE FOR WORLD AIDS DAY, 2008

On December 1st, bloggers from around the world will unite for World AIDS Day 2008.

It's obvious that there are so many movies made about AIDS: getting it, giving it, living with it and dying with it. Philadelphia Story with Tom Hanks is among the best. Angels in America, an epic movie about AIDS if there ever was one. Instead, I am going to talk about my own experience.

In the mid to late '90s I was a writer for a local entertainment magazine. I wrote about bands, conducted interviews, wrote a series of "how-to" make it in the industry. Then things became serious. The song by REM, "Everybody Hurts" turned into the title for my feature on suicide. "For One More Day" wasn't a song at all. It was the wish of a man I met who was dying of AIDS. Jonathan didn't practise safe sex; only later to find out his partner had lied to him about his disease. When we spoke he was angry, not bitter. He blamed himself for not being more careful. He had a drastic sense of humor. Nothing could put out his 'flame'. He was pleased with the article. He didn't want others feeling sorry for him. He wanted to inform. We talked for months after the article was published. He didn't want to see me because, according to him, he had become ugly. After a while the calls stopped and the number I had was disconnected. I like to think he moved back to Seattle to be with friends; his family all but disowned him. We both hoped that the article would inform others. He hoped for just one more day.

WAR, INC.

WAR, INC. ... WELCOME TO PLANET STARBUCKS

"When deep space exploration ramps up, it'll be the corporations that name everything, the IBM Stellar Sphere, the Microsoft Galaxy, Planet Starbucks." From Fight Club, by Chuck Palahniuk

IF you loved Fight Club, have a thing for dark comedy and sardonic wit and John Cusack then WAR, Inc. may just be the movie for you! There is no way to even attempt to describe the actual plot of the movie. John Cusack is Brand Hauser, a mercenary type who runs on hot sauce. He is sent on a mission to kill Omar Sharif, and from then on it just gets more complicated. What isn't complicated are the other actors: Marisa Tomei, Joan Cusack, Ben Kingsley, Dan Ackroyd and Hillary Duff. It's so much fun to watch Joan and John interact together onscreen and Joan owns her part loud and clear. This film is all over. One minute it's a comedy, then a romantic comedy then a drama then sci-fi... but all of it, in its jumbled mess works. Clear and concise statements about war. It's all in there and I loved it. There are explosions and "car" chases and drama and comedy and I loved it. However, it is not for everyone. You must appreciate sarcasm and understand subtle asides. The interaction with the Guidestar is clever enough on its own. So very clever and sharp.

PICK: Cutting wit and insane dialogue and story plot makes for a great thrill ride!

WHEN DID YOU LAST SEE YOUR FATHER

WHEN DID YOU LAST SEE YOUR FATHER?
For any man who ever had or has a father

"A parent and a child. The past and the present. Memories and secrets.

Can you know someone for a lifetime.... and not know them at all?

The life of a father. Through the journey of a son."

Parents are both idols and heroes at different times in our lives. We love them. We hate them. They are dreamily hypnotic and terrifyingly embarrassing. Colin Firth, in perhaps the best role to date, is Blake, son of Arthur (Jim Broadbent) who is dying from cancer. There have been all sorts of grown children helping their terminal parent and making that shift from adult to really an adult. This is perhaps the best one yet. The scenery is lush and green. We see Blake in different years of his life and his father's role during them. It is serene and gentle. Definitely a character-driven movie, each actor bringing their hearts and souls to breathe life into the characters (based on a real story). A subtle and graceful film.

PICK: Brilliant performances bring father-son story to life. Beautiful and moving.

TRANSSIBERIAN

TRANSSIBERIAN PICKS UP PACE
One of the most terrifying things that can happen when travelling in a foreign country is a display of social unrest, not playing by the rules, or rather, playing by their own rules. When travelling in France many years ago, the truckers and produce farmers both decided to strike. They did so, not with picket signs, but by "parking" on major roads, leaving no room to pass and too much time to ponder. Naturally, my first thought was, "but we're Americans!" We were stuck, Americans or not and that is the vulnerable feeling this film projects; except they add in guns, drug smuggling and murder. Woody Harrison does a fantastic average American tourist gag. Emily Mortimir is off the charts as his wife whose past drives her onto a very unusual path. Of course, the true star is Ben Kingsley as Grinko. Is he a good guy or a bad guy and just how bad are Russian bad guys? The ending gives big payoff where it is due and is satisfying. Cold weather. Colder villain.
PICK: Slowly works up to full steam and a wouldn't-have-guessed-it ending.

LEATHERHEADS

LEATHERHEADS SWELL PICK
What did people do on Super Bowl Sunday before there was even an NFL? This film presents the "birth" of pro-football in the 1920's. George Clooney not only directs this movie, but also portrays Dodge Connelly, the driving force that brought it all together. Renee Zellweger is the "love interest", Lexie Littleton who is very much a woman reporter in a man's world. She is sharp and quick and a great match for the fast talking, borderline con-man Dodge. John Krasinski is the "star" player of the team after he returns from the war with a larger-than-life hero's following. The lights sure shown bright on this film. The story plot is tight, dialogue quick and acting flawless. It is this kind of movie that reminds us what films were like before all the explosions, rapid gun fire and strong language. Admittedly, I am not a football fan, but the sub-plots and comedic, almost slapstick fun, is sure to be a clean choice for fans and non-fans alike.
PICK: One of few clean films that are sharp, funny and romantic. Nice treat.

DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN and THE LOVE GURU

DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN and THE LOVE GURU:
Special 2 for 1 review!

Is your glass half empty or half full? Depending on your taste for funny films, you might have a full glass or go thirsty with these two movies. I include them for their similarities. Both movies have stereotypical crude depictions of Israelites and East Indians. Both movies use humor that is crude, immature or offensive. Both have guest cameo appearances or "star power". SO, if you are easily offended, don't see either. If you appreciate silly, dumb or moronic 'humor', you found it here!

In Don't Mess With the Zohan, Israeli Special Forces Soldier, Zohan Dvir (Adam Sandler)grows weary of his life and decides to follow his dream of "making people silky smooth" aka hair stylist. He fakes his own death and comes to America to cut hair at Paul Mitchell. When that doesn't work out plan B ensues and Zohan finds a niche. The rest of the movie rolls slow and the ending tries to wrap itself in a neat red bow. Personally, it was bearable at best and funny in only 3 or 4 minutes of screen time. The star power in this movie is: Mariah Carey, George Takei, Chris Rock, Lainie Kazan, and most magnificently, John Tuturro.

Mariska Hargitay, Love Guru. Of the two, Love Guru was a much more thoughtful movie. There was the obvious comedy and then the more dry 'asides' . This film understood the comedic bar and pushed way past it. Mike Myers is Guru Pitka, whose goal it is NOT to be a poor man's Deepak Chopra. He is hired by Jane Bullard, YAWN (Jessica Alba) to help a hockey player get back his game. In an extra, Meyers said it was his way of combining the things he likes most: hockey and Eastern Religion. The story line is pretty weak, but it also has some pretty good jokes. We hear Samuel Jackson's voice over and as the camera pans, we find Meyers talking into the microphone set on "Samuel Jackson". Hands down, this movie belonged to Justin Timberlake. Yes, that's right. He was hilarious as a French-Canadian sexy hockey player. Jacques Grande: "Don't look at me with that tone of voice or I will punch you in the shirt! " It was worth the bad parts just to see his performance. Lastly, this movie rules for its star power: Ben Kingsley, Jessica Simpson, Kayne West, Deepak Chopra, Stephen Colbert, Mariska Hargitay, and Val Kilmer.

Let's face it. Neither film will end world hunger or cure AIDS. Neither film was so well done I wet myself. BUT, both films can be amusing if you have NO expectation of great film making. I enjoyed The Love Guru more than Zohan, but either work to distract from the election and all the silliness.

PICK: Even though I didn't care for either film, they were silly and entertaining to watch.