THE PINEAPPLE EXPRESS: QUICK BITE

THE PINEAPPLE EXPRESS: JUST SAY NO

It began with the 40 Year Old Virgin and Knocked Up and ends now. "Stoner" movies began as far back as Reefer Madness, the anti-marijuana flick and progressively got more screen time: ie, Spiccoli in Fast Times At Ridgemont High. As of late, it seems like Seth Rogan has the golden touch, or rather, the perfect hit. This movie is not one of them. I would defer to Harold and Kumar Visit White Castle before watching this again. It is aimed at the immature and/or those who imbibe.

Bite me: Rent Fast Times at Ridgemont Times and witness the real thing.

MILK

GOT MILK?
Perhaps the majority of those who die 'before their time' are idolized in some way or another. Harvey Milk was the exception. Sean Penn breathes life into a great man who was very much human and flawed as he was effective and courageous. It's hard to believe how much has changed over the 31 years since his assassination in 1978. It's also hard to believe how much has not changed since that time as well, but that's another story. This film follows the path that changed an ordinary man into a political activist. The dialogue is sharp, the story is clear and accurate, the acting across the board was flawless. The DVD has features that include the many people who promoted Milk and those he promoted. Interesting on how the main character is no where to be found. Penn has been on the bitter end of a great deal of bad publicity for his own activism and level of seriousness. He has proved to us that Spicoli is no more. With MILK he doesn't just lighten up, he transforms. This is one of those films where the authentic recreation of a life is reflection of a master craftsman. Paired with Gus Van Sant, they make a film that touches one's spirit and offers a bit of hope. "Without hope, life is not worth living."
BIG BITE: This is a piece of art; a well crafted movie which touches the heart and soul.

RACHEL GETTING MARRIED

RACHEL GETTING MARRIED

Kym (Anne Hathaway) gets out of rehab just in time for her sister's impending nuptials. She broods. She smokes. She's obviously edgy with her self deprecating humor and sardonic wit. It's the typical dysfunctional family including a stellar performance by Deborah Winger as Kym's mother. However, there is nothing fresh or original here. We get to watch this bohemian/ethnically diverse group of friends/family and a group who won't stop the wandering minstrel act. It might be a clever way to score the film, but it wasn't. It was terribly irritating. The actors do a fine job of pretending they aren't acting. It seems like there was ton of improvisation and it wasn't done well or written well. Hathaway did a better job in a similar role (HAVOC). In this film her dialogue feels in authentic or forced. She made due with what she had, but I still wanted to see one more layer pulled back. It was a nice change to see the returning "black sheep" make an ass of herself by selfishly demanding attention. The underlying plot with Winger never becomes evident, which the story desperately needed.

1/2 BITE: Not a terrible film, but could have been better.

CHANGELING

CHANGELING

Christine Collins: I used to tell Walter, "Never start a fight... but always finish it." I didn't start this fight... but by God, I'm going to finish it.

The words of a determined woman whose son vanishes one day and the story of a corrupt Los Angels Police Department and what they did not do to help her. Based on a true story, Christine Collins (Angelina Jolie) after being forced to work late, comes home to find her son gone. Keep in mind, this is the 20's and place for women, well, there was one. Regardless, the police department in Los Angeles at this time was pretty dirty, so they created as many good PR situations as possible. The boy they return to her is not her son. The department explains everything and try to force Collins to comply. She does not. All in all, this was a pretty good film. Directed by Clint Eastwood, it had a good pace, it looked the period, plot that moves and so on. However, even though Jolie was okay in this part (it felt like she was acting), I mostly thought about three things while I watched: 1) I want red lipstick like hers that stays perfectly in place all day and night; 2) I also want to be able to look that good when I am in the act of crying and/or after I've cried and 3) Was she sucking in her cheeks the whole movie? John Malcovich played a pivotal role as a Reverend to help Collins expose the LAPD and find her son.
Half a Bite: Decent film, worth watching

SNOW ANGELS

SNOW ANGELS... LITERALLY

Don't we all think of laying down in the snow, flailing our arms and legs as if to take flight and the carefully standing up to look back and see a beautiful angel, white and fluffy? This movie is not about those kind of snow angels. It is bleak and sad, taking place in a small town where everybody knows everybody. Slowly as the story unfolds, we are introduced to our "major players". Annie (Kate Beckinsale) is a waitress with her friend Barb (kudos for Amy Sedaris in a dramatic role) at the local diner. Her husband, Glen (Sam Rockwell), has sworn himself off the booze and with help from Jesus Father God, he promises his redemption and tries to insert himself back into Annie's and his daughter's lives. Little by little, his true colors show and through a series of drastic events, and eventually bring the plot to crescendo. Beckinsale and Rockwell are amazing in their roles. However, it's Rockwell who rocks this picture. He could have made his character too much to believe true. He stopped just short of that invisible line. Why he didn't get nominated for something is news to me. This film is breathtakingly sad and during the bleakness of the winter, plain depressing. There are no happy endings; but at least they are done right.

BIG bite: Intense movie, well acted and painful to watch, but in a good way.

HOW TO LOSE FRIENDS AND ALIENTATE PEOPLE

HOW TO LOSE FRIENDS AND ALIENATE PEOPLE
Sounds like a movie about Hollywood! Another book-to-screen movie based on an obnoxious man, Toby Young, the author of the book and the nothing in the movie as he was banned from the set for annoying everyone. This story is about a writer who was catapulted from being a big fish in a little pond, to being roadkill on the streets of New York. He is taken under the wing of Clayton Harding, "the dude" (Jeff Bridges) who in a powerful and ruthless publishing tycoon. After a rocky start, Sydney Young (Simon Pegg) gets himself together in full view of co-worker, Alison Olsen (Kirsten Dunst). (wink wink) Bridges work on this film is fantastic. He is intimidating and very much the business man made of steel. Almost everyone I know loved Run, Fat Boy, Run with Pegg (and Thandie Newton who started this film off and also co-starred with Pegg in Fat Boy. It was a fun, upbeat film, but no even close to Fat Boy. Pegg is a comedian. His acting skills are sharp, but comedy is where he is best served. This was not his shining moment. It was an entertaining piece, but was not edited down enough to make it tight and fast paced.
Bite: Slow pace does not a comedy make, but generally entertaining.

CHOKE

CHOKE: FROM BOOK TO SCREEN, A TOTALLY BIASED REVIEW

Victor Mancini (Sam Rockwell) is a medical-school dropout who has devised an ingenious scam to pay elder care for his Alzheimer's-afflicted mother (Angelica Houston). He pretends to choke on pieces of food while dining in upscale restaurants. He then allows himself to be "saved" by fellow patrons who, feeling responsible for Victor's life, go on to send checks to support him. When he's not pulling this stunt, Victor cruises sexual addiction support groups for action, visits his ailing mom while having to be "Fred" the lawyer, and spends his days working at a colonial theme park with his pal Denny. But there is so much more., and this is where almost every book-to-movie falls apart. The book which this movie was inspired by (titled the same) was crafted by Chuck Palahniuk ; whose works include, Survivor, Invisible Monsters, Lullaby, Haunted and Rant. The book was far more over the top than anyone could reproduce. However, with Same Rockwell and Angelica Houston, they were able to play over the top with out crashing down to the bottom. I couldn't have picked anyone else but Sam to play Victor. He is a nutball but also shows enough humanity to remain human. Houston, on the other hand, frightened me with talk of her as Victor's mother. Yet, indeed, she too was perfect as both her younger and older self. Palahniuk's books, in general, are original and far out as it gets, not without merit. As per usual, the book always provides more detail than allowed in the movie. If you liked the movie, then buy the book and you will understand. Good luck Chuck!

BIG Bite: I loved the book and still liked the movie; kudos!

THE HAUNTING OF MOLLY HARTLEY

THE HAUNTING OF MOLLY HARTLEY WASN'T
It wasn't haunting, scary or memorable. I don't do slasher flicks, but once in a while I'll rent a hope-to-be thriller/scary movie. This one was regrettable. It had Rosemary's Baby aspirations and fell so short of that I would use negative integers to grade it. Basically the movie is a cat and mouse chase. The ending tries to be clever and tosses in, basically, a whole new movie and plot line.
This one bites: Terrible, terrible, terrible...

NIGHTS IN RODANTHE

NIGHTS IN RODANTHE, DAYS IN HELL

Dr. Paul Flanner: We all make choices, Adrienne. You chose that life, you chose that man. Do you even remember who you really are anymore?

Adrienne Willis: Just stop it.

It just gets worse from there. Through a totally predictable set up we meet Diane Lane (Adrienne) and Richard Gere (Paul) in the same place at the right time. It was contrived if ever there was anything more true to the word. Both characters were less than authentic and watching the actors try to bring them to life was both sad and pointless. The dialogue was hollow and oh so terrible. It's hard to understand that these two talented actors would have chosen this to do anything but fund raise (which seems to be going around). I don't know if the movie was worse than the ending, or not, as it was hard to watch the TV screen and throw up at the same time. Total fatal movie.
BITE this: Put the clock next to the screen and watch your time wasted on this film. Yuck!

TRAITOR

TRAITOR NOT ON MY GOOD SIDE
Don Cheadle is one of my most favorite actors. I guess actors need to pay the bills, so someone shook him awake, propped him up and made this film. While I am glad he has the money to go buy groceries, I am upset with the lack of pulse this film offered. Think The Departed and then think bigger than that and you've got the story. Who do you trust? Who are the bad guys and are all of them bad? Not a significant original approach by ways of plot, action, characters and so on. Guy Pearce is also in the film. Even just writing this review I feel tired and would rather rearrange my sock drawer. The film wasn't engaging or interesting and it was very hard to follow. Trust me, don't wast the time or money.
This BITES: Tired worn out plot meets tired in need of cash actors. Total dud!

MAX PAYNE

MAX PAYNE INDEED PAYNEFUL



Oh, where to start... This movie was very, very, very, very, pretty. The use of shadows disbursed with primary colors gave it an unoriginal, but pretty look. I didn't know this movie was based on a video game when I watched it. Noticing the first part of the movie was full of scantily clad, silicone women I can now see the intended demographic. The plot was so thin and recycled it almost didn't exist. Instead the dark shadows and Max Payne's (Marky-Mark Walhberg) brooding stare took center stage with the snow. The whole movie had this huge snowfall, that never seemed to stick. It was pretty too. Of course there was the clique bad guy, the one who seems most helpful then turns around and stabs the hero in the back. Chris O'Donnell was unrecognisable in the film and he did something too. None of this movie even tried to make sense and none of the characters were consistent. The ending was not only unsatisfying, but really stupid.

True to form, Marky-Mark (If you weren't born then or didn't know, Marky-Mark started out his career as a "rapper" with a lot of underwear ads for Calvin Klein. Now by just going by Mark and trying to act, he tries to fit in where he doesn't belong. He seems to operate in one mode as portrayed by Andy Samburg of Saturday Night Live (look it up on You Tube).

BITE me: A sorry waste of time both to film the movie and to watch it.

VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA

VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA: "Speak English!"

Who would have guessed that one of film making's worst and scariest bad-guy Javier Bardem in No Country For Old Men, would turn into a Lothario, dripping with charisma and raw sexuality?

Vicky (Rebecca Hall) and Cristina (Scarlet Johansson) head off to Barcelona on a summer romp. Vicky is due to be married soon, to fit into her "role" as a woman, and Cristina is a restless soul, unsure of what she wants (but sure of what she doesn't want). It is there that they meet up with Juan Antonio (Bardem) who directly asks them both to join him on a plane trip to a nearby town and a night in bed. Despite all the warnings of how women need to act while traveling abroad, the two join him and the rest is a complicated Allen-esk tale of love, relationships, sensuality, romance and the complicated nature of combining all together. Woody is on top of his game with this film. The less I know of his personal life, the more I find myself enjoying his films. The dialogue was sharp and clever, but not pretentious. The plot held just enough suspense to keep it both real and enjoyable. The acting, by far, was top notch. It seems that Woody has his favorites and now it is Johansson. He wrote the part with her in mind and it shows. Hall and Bardem are also just right for their roles. However, it is Penelope Cruz, Maria Elena, Juan Antonio's ex-wife who cuts through the story like a wildfire. She is the perfect passionate Latina who is just crazy enough to be exciting and engaging. Just when the story takes another turn and you start to predict, you are thrown into another direction, much like Bardem who had to learn to drive for this film. This film is enjoyable and endearing, from the writing to the actors. The only explosion comes from Cruz and the chase scenes are much more sensual than frightening. Not to be missed.
BIG bite: Thoroughly entertaining and mesmerizing. Another tightly woven piece of film making art.

THE WOMEN: QUICK BITE

THE WOMEN: FIRST EVER FATAL CASE OF PMS
My mother took me to see the stage version of The Women. From first memory she has been a feminist trying to help women gain their own identity and power. To my mother and all the other women in the world who have been working hard to see the first woman president, I both warn and apologise on behalf of those who tried to re-shoot The Women. This was a universal star driven film which makes it such a shame. Didn't anyone look up from their script and say 'Hey, this sounds way too preachy and stereotypical, couldn't I just say okay or something instead?' The script went through several re-writes; like 10. Don't you think that after 10 there might be a lesson in that waiting to happen. It's almost as bad as the feminine hygiene or birth control ads on TV. Everyone was trying sooo hard as the words kept coming from their well polished and injected lips. More than disappointing, this movie was offensive and disastrous. WORST movie I've seen since LiLo's I Know Who...
BITE ME: This movie was a shame and a shambles and doesn't earn another word.

EAGLE EYE: QUICK BITE

EAGLE EYE 2008 SPACEY ODDITY
What a cat and mouse game this was! Totally unbelievable, unoriginal and irrational, but interestingly scripted and filmed. Going to the movies suspends reality so we can enjoy more than our 9-5 jobs, paying taxes and watching the economy tank. In an odd way, this movie did do that. From scene to scene to student to dialog, we are thrown, along with our heroes Jerry Shaw (Shia LaBouf) and Rachel Hollowmon (Michelle Monaghan). Long story short, they find themselves on the run. The rest is not necessary because they run ... a LOT and they are well choreographed scenes and it sucks you in. Billy Bob Thornton steps in from here to there to show his official and nonofficial support of this film. "Open the pod bay doors Hal." Most everyone is predictable, but it doesn't make it less fun to watch.
BITE: Just because it isn't believable doesn't make it less fun.

GHOST TOWN: Quick Bite

GHOST TOWN: CLOSE TO DEAD ON ARRIVAL
Too bad this lackluster movie did fare better at the box office. The plot has been recycled; at least being green is in this year. Dentist, Bertram Pincus (Ricky Gervais, genius of British TV, The Office originator)

is a bit of a pratt. Later he is called an asshole. He's not. He's British. After a routine colonoscopy goes bad, he discovers that he was dead for 7 minutes during the procedure, give or take. What happens when someone dies? Yes, they can 'see dead people'. Turns out he see sees a great number of them who want to fix something they didn't finish before they died. Now, the undead can be pretty snippy, but Frank (the dashing yet still funny Greg Kinnear) takes hold of the situation or course, so he can repair something he left undone. (A LOT like Ghost). Tea Leoni (Frank's widow) is the target and the smooth talking (NOT) ladies man (NOT) dentist (yeah, okay) has to interface with her so he can mend the ways. Nothing new, and mildly entertaining, Ricky Gervais should have had more un-scripted screen time. Neither Leoni or Kinnear really held my attention. However, there were some fairly serious scenes that came off as truly authentic. Not too "Ghost"-like, but heartfelt, no tears, just a cautionary reminder to us all.

NOT a bite: Entertaining not laugh out loud funny, maybe once or twice. Kinda-sorta-okay.