BRUNO

Was kann ein Mädchen sagen über Bruno?

What is not to love about Sacha Baron Cohen? He is a talented actor, not afraid to push the envelope, and that’s an understatement, in order to drive home a point. In Borat it was more funny and new and not over disturbing for most viewers because it was such a new concept to do a “punked” film. However, Bruno is another can of wienerschitzel. Bruno is a male model and entertainer from Austria who comes to America to try to achieve fame and fortune. There are parts of this film so explicit I wouldn’t just not want my mother to watch it, I wouldn’t want her to know I watched it. Vulgar and explicit, the target ranges from celebrity to fashion to bigotry; extreme anti-gay bigotry. One of my favorites was when he interviews the parent’s of children eager to be placed in a TV spot agree to the most outlandish things just to get their kid working. I do like having a new word for my va-jay-jay…. Vah-gee-nah; talk that Oprah. Overall, it was a fun film and Cohen made his points, sharp as nails. The best is saved for last; a video Bruno does which includes, Bono, Slash, Elton John, Sting and Snoop Dog. It is a lovely ending and well worth any uncomfortable scenes previously viewed.


BITE: I’ll never tire of Cohen’s colorful characters and his bold social statements.

CHERI: QUICK BITE

CHERI: THE ORIGINAL COUGAR

Lea de Lonval: You're not the first young man I've said goodbye to.
Cheri: Yes, I know, but what I thought might be appropriate is if I were the last.

Based on a Colette story, this film follows the entanglement of a beautiful, but aging courtesan, Lea de Lonval (a radiant Michelle Pfieffer) and Cheri, Rupert Friend, who is the much younger son of an old friend. At first she seems to be schooling him, but the death kiss of any courtesan is love, and that she finds. There isn’t really much plot or drama to this film. It is simple in its story telling. However, the costumes and scenery are lush and rich with color and play a role in the film as much does New York in Sex In The City. This did not seem to be straining Pfieffer’s acting abilities, but she looks lovely (aside from being too boney for that time period) and for that you could and do spent the film reveling in her loveliness. Friend was equally as handsome and did a fine job of portraying an overindulged youth. Kathy Bates is Cheri’s mother and does a fine job of acting the doting mother. This film is nothing too serious or overly taxing on the mind, but a pretty picture with pretty people.

½ Bite: Lush and pretty to watch, but not much for plot or drama.

THE MAIDEN HEIST: Quick bite

THE MAIDEN HEIST: AKA; WATCH GREAT ACTORS GO DOWN IN FLAMES

Actually, it was only Morgan Freeman who was flaming. What a waste of some of our most brilliant actors: William H. Macy, Morgan Freeman and Christopher Walken.


So these three are security guards for an art museum, each taken by a particular piece of art; perhaps obsessed is more like it as they risk everything in a plan to steal their beloved art work before they are shipped to a new museum. Bumbling is the word that most comes to mind and it is painful. All three actors have and can pull off comedy, so I’m not sure where this film went wrong except for the script and their decisions to act in it. The script was written by the person who wrote Me, You and Dupree, so maybe that was a huge warning signal. I think even grandma would want to pass on this film.

NO Bite: It was painful to watch such talent wasted.

OBERVE AND REPORT: SHORT BITE

OBSERVE AND REPORT: HERE GOES MY CREDIBILITY

NOT for the faint of heart. I couldn’t find the count for how many times the F bomb was dropped (or mouthed) but it was up there. Yes, I watched it in its entirety and I laughed, not at everything, but at the dumb, politically incorrect places. The movie is about a ‘mall cop’ Ronnie Barnhardt (funny man Seth Rogen) who has aspirations of becoming a police officer, most likely to be able to abuse his power. He loves his iron and hits the target, repeatedly. He believes in and uses excessive force whenever possible. With all this in mind, this movie is dumb, offensive in oh so many ways and dumb and offensive. His character is Bipolar, which I thought was a neat twist, but it wasn’t an accurate portrayal at all. His fixation and date rape of his love interest was also offensive. Ronnie lives with his mother and she is an alcoholic, also not a funny topic. Thing is, this film is so dumb and offensive, you have to take it as just that. If I wanted to know more about Bipolar disorder I wouldn’t seek this film out as a reference. If you can take it as it is, a stupid and stupid movie about a mall cop, there are some funny parts. I haven’t seen male full-frontal like that before, but it didn’t offend or make me laugh. It just was. So, take it as it is and if you are easily offended, don’t watch it. Easy.


½ Bite: For a stupid and offensive movie, I found some laughs. Not for everyone.

THE TAKING OF PELAM 123: SHORT BITE

THE TAKING OF PELAM 123: A JOY RIDE OF A MOVIE

Ryder: Ok... now somebody else has to die. Two people, maybe all of us! Did you hear me?

Walter Garber: I heard you, but you gotta understand that the circumstances they're different now for you. You gotta rethink this, you... you gotta adapt.
Ryder: No, I gave you instructions and you know the consequences.

Walter Garber: I mean don't you have a plan B?

Ryder: No, plan B is enforcing plan A... and the minute you stop believing me mother fucker, that's it!

The dance was beautiful. A run-of-the-mill crime drama takes on a whole new twist when we realize the characters we've been watching aren't at all who they seem to be. John Travolta is Ryder, the lead mastermind behind the hijacking of a subway train car and Denzel Washington is, Walter Garber, the "average civil servant" whose dumb luck it is to be on duty when Pelam 123 is taken hostage with its passengers. The key to the movie is the unfolding of each character, the peeling away at the surface layers to reveal people almost counter-characteristic of who we thought they were. The dance between each as they talk to each other during the crime is flawless. The script was well written as Ryder demands open and raw honesty from Garber. With a gun and many vulnerable hostages, Ryder forces Garber to admit and explain actions he has taken, decisions he has made in his life. Both characters are much more than they seem to be and it makes for a very watchable movie. I revel in the joy of a good film that commands your total attention.   
BITE: I loved the characters and the actors were fantastic. Well done.

AWAY WE GO: SHORT BITE

AWAY WE GO, A TRIP LIKE NO OTHER

No explosions, no wild car chases or shoot outs... this is a simple and tender journal of a young couple looking for a place to live and a way to live it. With a baby on the way, Bert and Verona (portrayed by skilled comedians, John Krasinsky and Maya Rudolph) are looking for a place to start this new phase of their life together. Their travel is geographic, but also psychological as they compare and contrast the different friends and relatives they observe. Allison Janney is a complete scene stealer; however the film gives room for each character to show their stuff as Bert and Verona act as narrators. Maggie Gyllenhaal also presents her character larger than life but as a life, as a lifestyle and it's brilliant. Softly and gently our narrators find meaning and a "place" for themselves in their lives.
Bite: A slow pace and wonderful characters give this movie an understated strength.

YEAR ONE

YEAR ONE: LESS FUNNY THAN THE CAVEMAN COMMERCIALS WHICH ARE REALLY NOT FUNNY... WAY WAY LESS

With a great supporting cast, I was hoping to find Jack Black filling the movie being funny in his awkward way. Didn't happen. Can I have my time back?! This was far worse than anything that comes to mind as of late. I would rather watch Lindsay Lohan's I Know Who Killed Me again. The other body in the picture is 'Juno's boyfriend' and not a great addition to the cast.  It was crass, dimwitted and a waste of film; full of poop jokes and farts, even the gag reel is unfunny. There is an attempt to put a message at the end of the movie and it fell flat. I am not surprised, but very disappointed. This film is a literal piece of crap.
NOT CLOSE TO A BITE: I wouldn't put my fangs neat this film. Ick!!!

LAKE CITY

LAKE CITY: YES, DAVE MATTHEWS CAN ACT

When there’s no where else to go, go home. So home is where loser Billy (Troy Garity) heads when things get rough in the city, with his girlfriend’s son in tow. Being the eternal warm motherly woman, Maggie (Sissy Spacek) is nonplused when she arrives home to find the son she hasn’t spoken to in a year raiding her refrigerator. Slowly the story unfolds and we discover why Billy is on the run, why the kid is with him and how the events of the past can bring this new family back together.

THE VISITATION

THE VISITATION: ARE YOU THERE GOD? IT'S ME, MARGARET

NEVER TRUST A FILM WITH A DOG. When the film began and I saw one of the lead actors with him I should have shut off the tv and learned how to knit. It happens every time. Case in point: Marley and Me.

Preacher Travis Jordon (Martin Donovan) is not practicing what he preaches. Three years ago his wife was found murdered and they never found the killer. Since then he has renounced God and found himself comfortable in a case of beer AND A DOG. So the residents of the small town he lives in begin seeing signs and witnessing acts of miracle. Soon we meet the elusive prophet and possible second coming, Brandon Nichols (a well worn Edward Furlong). The town is easily pacified while the Preacher remains skeptical and looks closer into the worldly information on this messiah. Jordan is aided in his search by the skeptical VETERINARIAN Morgan Elliot (Surprisingly played by Kelly Lynch). Soon they discover the key to unlock the spell the town has fallen under.

ORPHAN

ORPHAN: YOU THINK WE'D LEARN BY NOW

How many times does one have to watch the Omen to learn that oversees adoptions have their risks? While Madonna and Brangelina have made adoption seem cool, this movie does not. Esther is from Russia and is a precocious little girl that parents Kate and John (Vera Farmiga and Peter Sarsgaard) feel they need to add to their family of a young girl, Max and a slightly older boy, Daniel. As their familial story unfolds, so does Esther and her particular habits and inclinations start to get more aggressive. Soon we learn that Esther can be a handful and that is the understatement of the year.

REPO: THE GENETIC OPERA

REPO: THE GENETIC OPERA FOR THE NEW GENERATION

This is not your mother's opera. This is a bloodier (although not as bloody/horror-ish as expected) and very dark film. Being compared to the Rocky Horror Picture Show, it has been heralded as a new cult favorite. It is definitely dark and gothic in picture; the kind where the guys wear just as much make-up. It plays much like Moulin Rouge would on acid; great plot with characters that intertwine much like a Shakespearian tragedy. As in the opera, the script is sung, while there are some parts that are more complete songs: 17 Is Better Than 40. And yes, there is opera in it's pure form, albeit sung in English by a hot younger woman. The set looks much like Blade Runner where the future looks much like the past (and I don't mean the 80's). Paul Sorvino is almost typecast in his role of the powerful man running Genco, the new organ transplant service and is the father of three differently-abled adult children. Yes, one of those is portrayed by Paris Hilton, but still does not detract from the story. If anything, it's an appropriate role for her. The other two brothers are differently messed up, but Pavi (Ogre from Skinny Puppy) is mesmerizing with his many faces. He also commands the "Repo" man whose job it is to take back the organs that were sold and not paid for. Good credit is really important. The young heroine Shilo (Alexa Vega from Spy Kids) is growing up with her single father trying to shelter her from the evils of this world that killed her mother. However her father has a big secret he is keeping from her and of course, she finds out in the worst of ways.

Grey Gardens

GREY GARDENS COLORFUL AND FLAWLESS

With such stellar actresses, Jessica Lange and Drew Barrymore, who wouldn't have know this 'based on real life' drama would have turned out. This film is based on the documentary of the real mother and daughter, relations of Jackie Bouvier Kennedy, Little and Big Evie Bouvier Boyle. The story fills in the story from the start (creative license) and adds to what the documentary team shot at their lesser grand phase. The two of them, seemingly co-dependant on each other, going from lush to squalor, from feeding caviar to feeding stray cats is fascinating, captivating and so well done. The period piece shifts over time but stays true to the era and the characters. The DVD offers a look into the real documentary and that is where you see how remarkable each actress has done to embody their counterpart. While Lange won accolades, Barrymore was close behind in nominations. It is impressive to see such a total transformation in Barrymore to acting in a dramatic, quality role. She is fun in romantic comedies, but has found a new niche. Lange rarely disapoints, and this role is no exception. With such crafted acting, the rest of the film follows and does not let down.
BIG Bite: A must see. Fascinating and compelling.

DARK MATTER

DARK MATTER: CRUSHING WEIGHT Genius is not static. It either builds and expands or diminished and contracts. But when it attempts to expand without given proper support, it can literally blow. With the rise in school shootings, rarely has there been a "based on real events" story about the shooter that has shown motivation in a tender yet fair way. This film does. Ye Liu is Liu Xing, a promising and eager Cosmology student come to study in the US from China. Perhaps more the rule than stereotypical, he joins the other members of the team and works without rest for his idol Professor Reisser, Aidan Quinn. For a time, he shines and shows much promise in his studies. In between his enthusiastic work efforts, he is shown the kindness of a socialite, Joanna Silver (flawless Meryl Streep) who has a strong interest in Chinese culture and therefore tries to help the new students. She takes interest in Liu Xing and develops an innocent fondness for him. Then the rough get going. The world of academia can be cut-throat and merciless which Liu Xing finds out bit by bit. He search for the truth then brings out Reiser's true delicate ego which coldly rejects and degrades him and for no other reason.

THE INFORMERS

THE INFORMERS: PREDECESSOR TO GOSSIP GIRL

Remember in the '80's when we all ran around having bisexual relations, snorting coke, waking up and taking that first hit off the bong then chain smoking and laying around all day? Welcome to the Informers. Brett Easton Ellis is one of the most prolific writers from that generation. However, like all great writers, he wrote about what he knew, and his view of youth is not like most of ours. His characters are rich and bored and numbing themselves anyway possible. Read the book. Ellis wrote Less Than Zero which also became a movie, better known for a terrifyingly real portrayal of a young man out of control, Robert Downey Jr. Same set up, bored rich kids with every opportunity on a platter yet choosing from the vending machine instead. Ellis also was responsible for American Psycho staring Christian Bale.

MY BEST FRIEND'S GIRL

MY BEST FRIEND'S GIRL; CRUDE, RUDE AND EVEN KIND OF ENJOYABLE

This is so not the film I thought I would like. It's an unconventional story; a more passive man finds his grip lossening on his girlfriend so there is a last ditch attempt and that involves Tank (Dane Cook). Tank is certainly physically appealing, but to be nice, he lacks manners. That is putting it very easy. He resorts to any and all well planned and perfected gross and disgusting maneuvers which usually result in the targeted girlfriend running back into the arms of what now appears the right guy. But there is always an exception. Enter Alexis (Kate Hudson). She is Tank's match and the antics lead the movie in a total opposite direction. I never expected a romance in this movie, but it heads that way and it isn't for me to spoil the ending. Generally speaking I like Dane Cook; generally. Until now, I considered him more of a comedian than an actor. This movie changed my mind. He's no George Clooney or Clive Owen, more like Owen Wilson. All aside, he did a pretty decent job. Hudson, she's done better, was still was a delight to watch.
Bite: Not a great film, but certainly entertaining.